Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
My life is pants optional.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
