Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
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