I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
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