my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize