dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
