He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
