exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
