Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize