i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
