sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
