she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
