Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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