i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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