Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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