Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
