I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
