Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
there's paper in my vomit.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
