I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
