Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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