how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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