She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
