I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
