on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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