I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
