there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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