i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
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I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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