Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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