Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
