Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
