Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
