I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
