the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Randomize
