she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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