I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
