I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
