Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize
