Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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