did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
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I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
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man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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