the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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