I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
