You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
