got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Randomize
