Apparently you make a good broom.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
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Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
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I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
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