Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
