New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
