I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
