I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
