dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
So much Jack, so little girl.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
