I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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