So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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