i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
