Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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