yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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