i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
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he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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