I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
