It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
