Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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