remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
