don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
We had sex on a dog bed..
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Randomize
