ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
