Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
