I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
