I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
