It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
