i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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