Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
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