Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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